Sometime in August...

Sometime in August

I landed on a lily pad somewhere, found a toad to lick.
I was thrust to behind my mind & taught to view the world through a saint's eyes.

It has been about 6 months now, I have been seeing a professional about my mind.
As a child/adolescent I went through a lot - growing up too fast, abuse, poor moral bring-up & more.
I had always stomached it and said I will do well for others since I couldn't do anything (emotionally) for myself. I remember feeling trapped as a child, wishing I could escape, that I would suddenly grow-up like magic. Now that I'm an adult with real responsibilities and daily hang-ups, feeling lost and scared just isn't cutting it. I lost my job and went through a very hard time because of my mental health. Something that wasn't my fault, I am punished for. Such is the story of my life.
It has helped me see, though, how much of myself I put out. How little I get back. How okay I was with it. I'm having to reassess my friendships and relationships - people have been taking advantage of my kindness and good will, my willingness to 'let it go'.
I want to stand up for myself now, I want to feel good about getting out of bed, about watching the sunset. I'm tired of wishing today would end over and over again, wondering when I'll be so old I finally die. What awful things to wish, ey?
I want to rejoice that I am a being, I am a life & I have been given the coherence to enjoy the world. I am not trapped forever and subject to others' bad decisions. I am myself. One being. & I can't wait to finally live.

As I said, I have only been attending for about 6 months. But in that short time I have been able to get off medication and have FAR less panic attacks. I can go to work again! I can have a life again!

I am glad that I am the person I am; That I am patient, willing, caring. I love every being on this Earth. Our world is amazing and beautiful and I have always held that belief. But I only recently learned how wonderful I am and how unique I am in my caring and beliefs (on humanity and equality) - it feels really good to feel so aware.

Sometime in August I opened my eyes.

Thursdays.

Hello there, it's been awhile.

Today the clouds fall sideways & spill every drop of labored collection from their mouths. The rain falls & it feels like being reborn. Thursday, today was a good day.

Today I took the sides of the book and tore them open, exposing every drop of literature. I took a step from the table & grew to walk on my own. I am a new someone today.

There is a lot I need to catch us all up on, but until then; I want to let you know I have found a reason again, & it feels marvelous.

Humor Me

Good July 2015 to you!

I just wanted to jot down something. It's a little more colorful than one may like, the way I'm about to lay out these sentences for you. Though, they humor me. So here you are:

Shitty people do shitty things.

Stop being such a shitty person.
Pick up trash, help a stranger, plant a tree.

Pick up some shit you shitty shit.
😃👍

Where I Live

Life is funny,

The things we are taught, meant to enjoy, it's all a mask. Something we all have somehow come to agree upon, yet everyone dreads.
"What is this life? If full of care, we have no time to stand & stare? No time to stand beneath the the bough & stare so long as sheep or cow"
There is so much to enjoy that we are not taking advantage of as a society.
The world is enormous & brilliant. It's unknown, yet ritual ways are enticing.
There is such a better way we could be, such a happier more relaxed life. A field of exploration, instead of everyone thinking that they own pieces of the world.
A kind smile instead of a stone hearted sneer. Helping one another thrive instead of competing. (sports & such being okay of course)
What is there to compete for? We all are allowed to live. So make everyone's life wonderful by being pleasant.
Be kind, be human, be the change you want to see in the world.

I am:

I am an advocate for human rights,
Feminism, freedom.
I am a writer, a poet,
a dreamer.
I am the voice for those who have none,
the ear for those who plea,
the fight for those too worn.
The happiest person you'll ever meet,
Filled with the deepest woes.

I am Courtney M Watson
& I'm going to make this voice heard,
I swear it.